Abandoment
by darkshiptrash
Summary: People always left him one way or another. Now it was his turn.


House: Lions

Subject: Charms

Category: Standard

Prompt: [Emotion] Heartbroken

Wordcount: 2002

For as long as Regulus could remember, he had been painfully aware of one single fact: he was expendable to his family.

He was the one they would use for their gain when Sirius would either disappoint them like he always did. Worse still, when the day eventually came when they would be sick of Sirius and his attitude, he would be the one left to pick up the pieces. He would be Sirius' replacement, the new heir to the Black family.

But when that would happen, Regulus was also very much aware of the consequences it would have on him. They would start noticing him in ways he didn't want them, start asking him questions he had no answer for. What would they when they find out he didn't share their prejudiced, traditional views? Would they destroy him, like they had his brother piece by piece?

Regulus didn't want to be noticed.

When he was noticed, bad things happened. His mother would tear apart the drawings he had done like they were something worthless, something to be scorned for because no member of their family would paint and draw like some common peasant. She would scream at him and drag him by the hair even when he would beg to please have a mercy, that he would never act in such an unbecoming way ever again, but she wouldn't listen (she never listened, not really), wouldn't care that he was suffering at her hand and simply throw him onto the basement floor, knees starting to bruise against the cold floor of the basement. He would lay there then and stare at the dark ceiling above his head and with each passing minute, the walls seemed to appear closer than they were the minute before and he would wish to scream, but no sound would come out of his throat as if somebody had cut off his tongue, making him unable to either scream or beg somebody to help him to get out of this hellish place.

When the lights go off past midnight, his brother would come running to the other side of the door and even if he can't do anything to get him out, he would tell him stories of places they've never been and comfort him. In those moments where his life seemed like a living nightmare, so brisk and with little light, it was only his brother's company that had kept him sane.

So, he desperately hoped his brother wouldn't just leave like that. Sirius wouldn't do that to him, Regulus tried to calm himself down, Sirius wasn't that type of person. Unlike the rest of their family, his older brother actually cared for him. He wouldn't dare to leave him alone with them – with those heartless monsters. Monsters that laughed over other people's suffering like it was something awfully funny. The worst thing was that those monsters were his family, and try as he might to do otherwise - he loved them.

Except, on one fine evening in late July, Sirius had done exactly what Regulus had feared. Regulus came home in the evening after a brief visit at Fortescue's to find his brother hurriedly packing in his room, neck reddening in the heat and his hands frantically collecting clothes from his closet, putting them inside the suitcase he had open on top of the bed. His brother would stare at him for a minute and then he had bitterly shake his head, going past him down the stairs. When Regulus had begged him to stop, to reconsider this, to not leave him behind, Sirius had merely kiss him once on the forehead as if in a goodbye and turned on his heel, opening the front doors of the house wide before he disappears into the night.

Regulus didn't really know what he had expected. He was dreaming when he had somehow convinced himself that Sirius, the one person that loved and cared for him, was still there. It was hard to believe that his brother, the gentle and kind boy who had protected him from their mother, was long gone. Instead, replaced by the cruel, treacherous boy he became in the company of James Potter and his friends.

Regulus couldn't stand James Potter. He had taken his older brother away from him, feeding him cruel lies about his house that were in no way true. It was because of Potter that his brother started turning on him. He, Regulus, who had always had Sirius' back when things went wrong. Regulus who had cleaned up after his messes, even after every little thing that Sirius had done to them.

Sirius' betrayal had started with Narcissa. Narcissa, with her soft edges and cunning games she played with men – the witch who was both soft and rough all at once, who was everything any man would have wanted in a daughter. Narcissa who had come crying to him because Sirius had dared to call her Death Eater filth. Regulus would never forgive his brother for hurting her so, when she had been nothing but gentle with him as long as they'd known each other.

All his life, before his brother had abandoned ship, Regulus had but a single friend; Alice Fortescue. They'd met during a ball when they were children. She had been wearing an extravagant snow white dress and golden tiara; after all, Alice was more dramatic than anyone else he had met. Upon their first interaction, Alice had merely grinned at him and told him rather bluntly, "I am Alice Fortescue, and you are Regulus Black, of course. I know the names of every important Pureblood witch and wizard – and I think we should be friends." Truthfully, Regulus didn't know what had made him accept her offer then. Maybe it was the way her blue eyes shone under the moonlight, as if she knew far too well of the loneliness he had kept inside him even then, when he was nothing more than a mere child. Maybe it was because some part of him saw a kindred soul in this twinkle-eyed witch; somebody to understand him the way nobody would.

Alice was all blunt words and brute force, doing things nobody else would ever dare do, and all with little or no hesitation. She was shameless and was never embarrassed by the things she had done. She owned her actions with a smug smile and told people that disapproved that they should go fuck themselves, because her actions were as much as a part of herself as her pretty face and good reputation. She may be a pretty rose with her short, wavy blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, but everyone should remember that in every rose, there was a thorn.

If people didn't love her the way she was, she didn't bother putting any effort into being their acquaintance, let alone a friend. Her smiles were poisonous and once you were under her spell, there was no getting out of it. But Alice was also more loyal than anyone he had met. She was the only friend he had and the only one he would need, especially now that Sirius was gone.

When Regulus came back to Hogwarts the following year, Alice in tow in her fancy high heels, Sirius's eyes strayed to them and looked away almost as quickly; shame and hurt in his eyes. But what was done was done and regardless of how either of them may feel about the whole situation, there was no taking them back now. Someday in the future, Regulus may look at his brother without feeling the anger and bitterness inside him, but that day wasn't today.

"Fuck him." Alice told Regulus, dragging him by the sleeve of his robes and appearing angrier than he felt at that moment. Truthfully, Regulus didn't even have the strength to be angry at his brother anymore; he was tired of conflict, and tired of hating him. Sirius was nothing to Regulus now. Tired of feeling like every day would be spent in the never ending torture when he would open the doors of his brother's room, only to be welcomed by nothing but the dust on the floor. Tired of being reminded how he had betrayed their family by the likes of Mrs. Rosier and Mr. Lestrange who really should know way better than to butt their noses in the family business. He was simply tired.

"If he expects you to grovel on your knees for him, then he has another thing coming. " Regulus' heart tightened, Alice was right. When things went wrong and he didn't know what to do with himself, Alice always had his back. After all, they were friends, always and forever. Nothing could come between them, they had promised one another that nothing would or ever could.

Frank Longbottom was a tall, older boy who was absolutely besotted with Alice. Everyday, he brought her flowers; and everyday, Alice accepted them with a smile on her face. The first time it had happened, she merely rolled her eyes and threw them in the trash can, of course, but as the time passed and she gradually got to know the boy behind the smile, Alice started to behave like a woman in a love; something he didn't expect to see in all the times he had known his best friend.

"You are in love." Regulus noted one day, both resentful of Frank and confused about his friend's sudden change of behaviour. It was so unlike her to be so besotted with someone, especially a Gryffindor blood traitor.

Alice merely rolled her eyes, "Don't be foolish." It was hard for Regulus to believe her because while her words said one thing, her smile meant another.

It was a fine summer day when Alice ran away from home into the arms of the man that would always love her, would protect her; into the arms of Frank. Regulus had been there during the wedding, to give her away. She had been glowing then, her happiness radiating out of her beautiful face. .

"She looks happy," Sirius commented when she sat down beside him."You're best friends right?" Regulus nodded. "Are you happy? Are you happy for her?"

"Of course I'm happy for her," he hissed through gritted teeth.

"What about you?"

He didn't answer for a while, but smiled bitterly at himself when he did, "I am never happy."

"You do know you are still my brother, right?"

Regulus sighed. "No, you don't get to do this." He buried his face in his hands, his shoulders falling. "This is my best friend's wedding. You are not going to ruin this for me."

Years later, in the service of the Dark Lord, Regulus discovered the most curious thing.

A Horcrux.

It was a pure dark magic.

So, during one fine day in the summer, he decided he was going to die. At different points of his life, people had left and abandoned him. First, Sirius had left him for James Potter and his friends. Then Alice had left him for Frank. Now it was his turn to leave them, for the good of the people. He may have not lived a long, fulfilling life the way maybe he should have, but at least he would die in the saficaction that he had helped to bring him down; the cause of everyone's nightmare.

Bringing Kreacher to help him out, Regulus drank from the poison until no drop was left even when it felt as if he was going through his every nightmare then. And then like a fine vase, he dropped down the lake into the arms of creatures that screeched and tore every part of his body like a fragile paper. And then, he was no more.


End file.
